


So I Can Stand on Mountains

by CatgirlTheCrazy



Series: Shotguns and Sniper Rifles [2]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Talibrations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2019-07-23 05:09:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 16,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16152248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatgirlTheCrazy/pseuds/CatgirlTheCrazy
Summary: After the Battle of the Citadel, Garrus and Tali never expected to see each other again. But the universe has thrown both of them back on the Normandy again. As they support each other through grief, betrayal, and trauma, they find their hard-earned friendship slowly building into something more.





	1. Chapter 1

Garrus was dead. His heart was still beating, and his lungs still drew breath, but he was still just as dead. That had been true since the moment Sidonis had lured him away from the rest of his team. All that remained was finding out how many mercs Garrus could take with him before it became official.

A flicker of movement on the bridge alerted him. Almost like clockwork, Garrus lined the target up in his scopes and dropped it. No uniform this time. A freelancer. The gangs must have gotten sick of him thinning their ranks. It didn't matter. They were all the same breed of vermin. This kind was just less well paid.

There was a lull in the rush of mercs across the bridge. Garrus didn't trust it. They wouldn't give up now, not after all this effort. They were probably saving up for something nasty. Still, he took the opportunity to drink from his canteen, only to find it was empty. It occurred to him that this was something like the sixth time he'd done that.

So. Out of water. Out of food. Pretty soon out of time. It was a strangely freeing thought. He didn't have to burden himself with trying to stay alive. Just do the job, until he wasn't there to do it anymore. This shithole of an apartment would be his final resting place. The crappy faux-leather couches his tombstone. Assuming the mercs didn't parade his head on a spike, which come to think of it, they probably would. He'd pissed them off an awful lot.

Garrus wondered if he had any last words he wanted to say to anyone. His father would give him some version of “I told you so.” His sister would say the more or less the same, but angrier. His mother… that hurt too much to think about. No one else in his family merited consideration.

Beyond that… There were really only two people in the galaxy he had anything to say to. Shepard was two years dead. Garrus wouldn't be saying anything to her ever again. Unless turians and humans got the same afterlife, in which case he'd be able to say as much as he wanted to her quite soon.

Tali though… Well, fuck it, it was worth a shot. Garrus started recording his message.

“Hey Tali, Garrus here. Sorry to just message you out of the blue. I know I'm a lousy correspondent, but, well…” There was another flurry of movement on the bridge. A lot of it. Seemed the mercs were launching their big offensive. Better say things fast.

“I remember what you told me. About C-Sec and quarians and blind spots. When I went back to C-Sec, I thought I could change things there. That worked about as well as if I told them we should teach rocks to tap dance. No one wanted to hear what I had to say.” A couple freelancers poked their heads up experimentally. Garrus shot both in the head. “So I decided to try somewhere else. It went well, until I fucked things up, and now it's gone to hell. So I guess this is goodbye. Again.”

Mercs were pouring across the bridge now. He started shooting them down methodically, but some were making it through. That couldn't be good. “I just wanted you to know that I'm glad you were my friend. I hope you do a better job fixing the galaxy than I did.” He finished the recording, and sent his last words to anyone winging across the stars.

Garrus felt something in him loosen. It was nice, knowing he didn't have to do anything but what came automatically.

A minute later, he spotted the familiar N7 armor.

Two days later, he woke up in the Normandy medbay with half his face gone. Between the post-surgery recovery and the chaos of adjusting to life on the new Normandy, it took him an embarrassingly long time to remember his message to Tali.

When you sent someone your last words, how the hell did you walk that back? Say _oh, whoops, turns out I didn't die after all, my bad_? Garrus wanted to say that his reluctance to reach out to Tali was born of a selfless desire to spare her feelings. The Collector mission was if anything more likely to kill him than Omega had been. Why reassure her of his survival when he was likely to be dead again in a few months anyways?

But the truth was, Garrus was a damn coward. Reaching out to Tali meant explaining himself. Explaining Sidonis, his failures, his betrayal. Garrus wasn't ready to tear that scab off yet. His indecision, if nothing else, meant he did nothing for weeks.

Then Shepard came to him with a file. _Dossier: Tali._

* * *

Tali had failed. Again. Myrr’Jorin. Luka'Telan. Nefri'Bas. Probably Kal’Reegar. And so many others. All dead. Because of her. Her research. Her mission. Her command.

A distant thud caused dust to trickle down from the ceiling. Were the geth using heavy artillery now? She might not outlive her teammates by long if that were the case. The idea had a certain appeal. _They'll have died for nothing if you don't get this data back to the fleet._

“Tali? Tali, are you there?” A voice crackled over the comms like an echo from the past.

“ _Shepard?_ ” What was it with that woman and dropping into her life at the strangest times?

It was almost an hour before Shepard reached Tali in the observatory, a trail of dead geth in her wake. Following her were Kal’Reegar (thank the ancestors), the Cerberus woman from Freedom's Progress, and a turian in battered blue armor and helmet.

Tali blinked. “Garrus? Is that you?”

He nodded. “Most of me, anyway. It's… it's really good to see you again Tali.” There was an odd intensity to his voice that made Tali double take.

“It's good to see you too.”

And that was all the reunion they had time for. Reegar was injured. More geth were inbound. Between getting off the damn planet, and introductions to the new Cerberus crew ( _Cerberus crew, seriously what?!_ ), it was some time before Tali got to talk to Garrus properly again.

“Garrus? He’s usually lurking in the main battery,” Dr Chakwas told her while doing the standard post-mission checkup. “Don't ask me what he does there. He always seems to be calibrating something.”

Tali nodded, and quietly started playing the recording on her suit's internal speakers while Chakwas worked. “ _Hey Tali, Garrus here,_ ” said the recording, audible only to her. “ _Sorry to just message you out of the blue..._ ” She played it all the way through for the third time that day. She had a sizeable message backlog that had piled up while she was under comm blackout on Haestrom. She'd found… this waiting for her.

Tali started the recording, and listened to Garrus talk to her over gunfire. It was clearly a last goodbye, far more final and permanent than the ones they'd exchanged on the Citadel two years ago. And yet here he was, alive and apparently well with no explanation whatever about how he'd gotten from then to now.

 _What_ happened _to you Garrus?_

* * *

Garrus was holed up in the gun battery. At the moment, he was running simulations on the proposed Thanix cannon upgrades for Shepard. What he was _not_ doing was avoiding Tali. Dr Chakwas had dragged her off to the med bay almost the second they left the shuttle. They wouldn't want him underfoot, he told himself. Really, he was doing them a favor by staying up here.

_She's the person you were so eager to say your last words to just a few weeks ago. Now she's on your ship, and you’re scared to have her look at you?_

Had she gotten his message? Perhaps. Perhaps not. She hadn't shouted “Oh spirits you're alive!” when she'd seen him on Haestrom. Had there been opportunity for that? Maybe she hadn't heard his half-coherent last goodbye. Maybe that would be a thing he could tell her about now and they'd all have a good laugh.

The doors cycled open and Garrus suppressed a flinch. “Garrus? Are you in here?” He heard the familiar clack of boots on deck plating. He turned to face her, and she audibly gasped.

“Oh Keelah, your face,” she whispered, stepping up to him. “That looks painful…” She reached out a hand. Instinctively, he held up his arm, as if blocking a blow. Tali stopped where she stood.

Garrus couldn't take the horror in her voice. The sympathy. The kindness. They cracked pieces of his soul that he preferred to keep frozen and hard. He tried to shield himself with a cocky grin. “Well, you told me once you had a thing for men with scars.”

Her eyes locked with his, and the grin faltered. She wasn't laughing, or building on his quip with her own witty response. “This looks like a grenade. Is this related to your last message?”

Well. So much for her not hearing his message. Garrus shifted uncomfortably. “My face got into a bit of an argument with a missile. My face lost.”

Tali gave him what he recognized as a scrutinizing look. “And this missile just spontaneously launched itself at your face? Did the missile firmware, what, gain self-awareness? If we've got a sentient missile AI revolt on our hands, we should probably alert the Council.” She was trying to match his sarcastic tone, but he could still detect the effort behind it.

“Well, I did have a few, uh, philosophical differences with the guy firing the missile. I won that debate though,” Garrus said.

“Right. Because winning looks like getting half your face blown off.” This time, she couldn't quite stop the rising pitch of alarm in her voice.

“Considering that I'm still here and the other guy isn't, yeah, I'd say it does.”

Tali put her hands on hips and stared him straight in the eye. “So. Are you going to tell me what really happened? Or are you going to keep deflecting me with quips?”

Garrus opened his mouth to deflect, then stopped. Spirits, what was he doing? This was Tali. She deserved better than him shutting her out. “So. I guess it all started when I got fed up working for C-Sec again.” And then the entire story came spilling out. How he went to Omega. How he found like minded individuals, and spent several glorious months making life hell for the scum of Omega. Sidonis’ betrayal. Everything that came after.

He kept waiting for the platitudes. _It's not your fault. You couldn't have known._ The useless lies he dreaded. They never came.

“Fuck Sidonis,” was what she said when he was done. “Please tell me you got him.”

Garrus blinked at the vehemence in her voice. “No. The bastard slipped away.”

“Damn it.” Tali clenched her fist. “I hope he suffocates.”

Garrus cocked his head at her. “...I'm surprised. Figured you'd try to talk me down.”

Tali shrugged. “I'm not Shepard. I can't be the bigger person like she can. I hate traitors. Betraying your crew like that? It's the worst kind of scum.”

“Huh.” It was weirdly warming to hear his own rage reflected back at him. It probably didn't speak well of him to be so pleased about it.

They settled down to talk. She told stories of her life in the Flotilla. He caught her up on the Normandy's goings-on. For the first time since he'd set foot in this place, the ship felt a little like home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you guys I'd write a sequel, and lo and behind, it's here! It only took me... Oh god, has it really been more than a year?
> 
> Part of the reason for the delay is because I tend to reach Chapter 5 of a fic and realize Chapter 1 needs to be totally different in order to set it up properly (Case in point: this first chapter bears almost no resemblance to the original one I wrote). As a result, I didn't want to start publishing this until I had a complete draft of the fic done.
> 
> The upside of this is that updates will come fairly regularly. I'm aiming for once every week or two, depending on last minute revisions.


	2. Chapter 2

“Tali! Three mechs, four o'clock!” Garrus lined up the shot and fired. “Two mechs now.” In his ear, the vid soundtrack thrummed with his pulsing blood.

“Show off,” Tali sniffed. She spun around on her haunches and tapped her omni-tool. One of the mechs eyes flashed as it turned on its companion. The other mech danced chaotically as its former friend pumped it full of bullets. The hacked mech exploded.

Something flashed on his peripheral vision. “Fuck!” Jack shouted. “Someone's throwing plasma!”

“Engineer!” That was Shepard. “On the balcony! Garrus!”

“On it!” He swung his rifle up. It was probably the only gun they had that could reach that high. “Got him!” The yellow helmet peaked just over the balcony wall. Now if only the bastard would stand up, let him take the shot…

“Chatika, go!” Suddenly a combat drone materialized behind the target.There was a spark, and the engineer stumbled out of cover. Garrus took the shot. The song ended. The target dropped.

For the second time in his life, Garrus found himself thrown together with the biggest gang of multi-species misfits outside of a bad “We are the Galaxy” vid. By all rights, the mission should have ended in disaster. But Shepard, in her inimitable Shepard fashion, made it work. She seemed to thrive on finding the perfect ways to match their mish mash of skillsets to every situation. He watched Shepard's back, waited for orders, and sniped what he could until she gave them.

Fighting with Tali, though, felt like falling into a familiar dance with a favorite partner.

* * *

“You lying ass!” Tali shouted, and punched him in the shoulder. Garrus recoiled, rubbing his shoulder. The fight had ended, and they were all on a shuttle back to the Normandy.

Garrus eyed her. “What did I do?”

Tali had both hands planted on her hips. Dimly, he could see her eyes narrowed at him through her faceplate. “You were humming _Fire in the Courtyard._ ”

“No I wasn't,” he said too quickly.

Tali snorted. “Please. You think I don't have every measure of the _Fleet and Flotilla_ soundtrack memorized? You were humming the scene where Bellicus and Shalei flee the palace.”

“Actually it was more like a fortress,” Garrus said automatically. “Uh… Or so I'm told.”

Tali crossed her arms. “Uh huh. Weren't you swearing up and down to me the other day that you’d never seen that vid? What were your exact words again? ‘If I wanted to overdose on sugar I'd visit an asari honeysweet shop’?”

Garrus considered denying it. But he suspected that would just end with him getting punched in the shoulder again. He held up his hands in mock surrender. “Ok. You got me. I have, in fact, watched _Fleet and Flotilla_.”

“More than once?” Tali prodded.

Garrus shifted. “I will neither confirm nor deny that accusation.”

“So that's a yes, then?” She crossed her arms.

He sighed. “Fine. And while you're extracting embarrassing confessions from me, I may as well also admit that I have an inordinate fondness for tahlu ice cones, I once performed a hanar opera, and I used to run naked in the rain as a child.”

Tali burst out laughing. “Hanar opera? Seriously?”

“Yup. Did it for school once. _The Fragility of Dying Coral,_  I think it was called. Apparently it's a classic.”

She shook her head. “I have a hard time imagining you singing.”

“Never said I was any good at it, did I? And it wasn't just singing. We had to wear these hideous plastic cloaks filled with tiny lights that mimicked hanar bio-luminescence. Apparently precise harmony between light and sound was incredibly important to getting it right, or something. All I know is those cloaks gave me the _worst_ fucking rash.”

“Keelah,” Tali snorted. “Please tell me there’s a vid of this somewhere.”

“If there is, I would consider it a gesture of everlasting friendship if you saw to it that a virus corrupted every remaining backup.”

“What else are friends good for?” Tali mock-toasted with her canteen and took a swig. “And you say you danced naked in the rain? What possessed you?”

“In my defense, I was five. My parents learned to lock the door every time it rained for a while there.”

Tali cocked her head in confusion. “Wasn't it uncomfortable?”

He shrugged. “I guess it was a little cold, but Cipritine gets so hot in the summer that I didn't mind.”

“Cold?”

“Yeah. You know, from the water?”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” Now it was Garrus’ turn to be confused. “You've never been out in the rain?”

“In the rain? Yes, several times.”

Suddenly it hit him. “But... probably not without your suit.” He tended to forget it it was there half the time. Stupid, really.

“No. Why would I?” She shifted defensively.

“Good point.” Garrus leaned forward in his chair. “Well, rainwater on most planets is usually a lot colder than body temperature. And when it evaporates, it takes some body heat away, and makes you even colder. It feels nice, at least at first before you've had a chance to get really soaked.”

“Huh. And your parents didn't like you doing it?”

“Well, they weren't fans of the giant puddles I tracked in afterwards. Also, running around naked on the streets is generally frowned on, even when it does avoid wet clothes.”

“Huh. I never even thought about wet clothes.”

Garrus shrugged. “Trust me, you're better off not experiencing that. It's not as romantic as the vids make it look.”

She sighed wistfully. “Guess I'll have to take your word for it. My suit has tactile sensors, but they don't convey... everything you just described.”

Garrus paused. There was a... something there. He wondered if he should tug on it. But Tali had that "I'd rather not get too deep into this" vibe about her. So he left it alone.

There was a clunk as the shuttle set down in the shuttle bay.

“Come on," Tali said. "Let's go get dinner.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter was kind of angsty, and so is the next one, so I figured I'd give you guys something short and silly in between.


	3. Chapter 3

The hour was late, but Garrus wasn't asleep. That wasn't unusual these days. Whenever he tried to shut his eyes, he jumped awake at every clank, scrape, or sigh of the ship. There might come a time in the future when he would be able to unlearn the habits of Omega, but that day wasn't today.

So, one more sleep shift found him pouring over the _Normandy’s_ firing algorithms, fruitlessly trying to squeeze just that bit more performance out of already optimized software.

When his omni-tool pinged out of the blue, his hands slipped on the controls, and he had to frantically power down the weapons before the Thanix cannon overloaded.

He finally managed to slap the comm controls. “Yes?”

Tali's voice answered. “Garrus? I'm sorry, am I interrupting? EDI told me you were awake.”

“Not doing anything useful, no.” He glanced down at the readout. _0.000034% efficiency improvement achieved_ blinked in gentle green letters. Yeah, he felt pretty confident about that assessment. “And since when do you ask EDI about anything?”

“I don't. I was thinking out loud, and it nosed in.”

“Huh.” Garrus tried to puzzle out what Tali could have been saying that would prompt EDI to tell her that. “Thinking about anything important?”

“Sort of. It's- look, can I come up and visit? Or are you busy?”

He shrugged. Wasn't like he was getting any sleep anyways. “Come on up.”

The second she walked in the door, he knew something was wrong. The hurried steps, the way her shoulders tensed. It felt a bit like looking in a mirror.

“Bad night?” He tried to sound more sympathetic than worried. He didn't want to add to her stress.

She paced back and forth. “You could say that.” She stopped. “Garrus, I...oh Keelah this is awkward… When you- after Omega, did you ever write… Write letters?”

It took him a second to understand what she was getting at. “You mean like next of kin letters?”

“Yes.”

Garrus let out a long breath. “Not really, no.”

“Why not?”

“A lot of my team… They didn't have family. Or if they did, they never talked about them.” He'd certainly never discussed his own family with any of them.

“But some did have family?”

“Yeah.” Butler had a wife. Erash had his brothers. Melenis had her husband and children.

“And you never wrote to them?”

Garrus shrugged. “Too much of a coward, I guess.”

“Oh.” Tali's shoulders sagged.

Garrus made an educated guess. “Who are you trying to write to?”

“On Haestrom, I had a team. All of them except Reegar died.”

 _Fuck_. Her words hit him like a physical blow. He'd been there on Haestrom, when they'd rescued her. He'd seen what was left of Tali's escort team. He'd been so busy wallowing in his own guilt and grief. He hadn't even noticed Tali going through the exact same thing, right in front of him.

Spirits, he could be such an ass.

“I'm sorry,” was all Garrus could think to say. He knew down to the millimeter exactly how far short the sentiment fell.

Tali rubbed her own shoulders, as if trying to comfort herself. “If our mission had been saving lives, it might be easier. I could say they died for something worthwhile. But all we did is retrieve some data on a dying star. These soldiers died, and we might not have anything more to show for it than a fun new puzzle for the astrophysicists.”

“Did you know them well? Your team I mean.”

Tali shook her head. “I'd never worked with any of them before this mission. I had to look up what their parents’ names even were.” Her hands clenched. “These people died for me and I didn't know the first thing about them.”

“Ah.”

A moment passed. Then two. “I wish I could help more.” Garrus tone was an apology. Spirits he felt useless.

Tali took in a shaky breath. “You did help. You listened.”

* * *

Garrus did not know how to fix feelings. His or other people's. He remembered the broken, helpless grief in Tali's voice. He knew from painful, firsthand experience that nothing he could do would make that go away.

That didn't mean he could do nothing, period.

He poked his head into the port lounge. “Kasumi, you got a minute?”

The thief was curled on her couch, grinning lazily. “Sure. What do you need?”

“I've been working on some targeting algorithms for combat drones, but I'm having trouble integrating it with drone firmware. You mind taking a look?”

Kasumi’s eyebrows shot up. “Since when do you use combat drones?”

“Oh, it's not for me. It's a surprise present for Tali.”

Somehow, Kasumi’s brows shot up even further. “You know Garrus, you could just get her flowers and chocolate.”

Garrus frowned. “Chocolate?” He paused, something tickling the archives of his memory. “That’s a human holiday thing, right?” He vaguely remembered hearing somewhere that most modern human holidays were thin excuses to give and consume large quantities of chocolate to one another. He wasn't sure why that would be relevant to this conversation though. Had there been a celebration he'd missed?

Kasumi waved him off. “Nevermind. Let me take a look at that algorithm.” Garrus paused, then mentally shrugged. If Kasumi wanted to make inscrutable comments about chocolate, that was her business. He started transferring the relevant files to her omnitool.

“So,” Kasumi drawled as she worked. “You and Tali. You two go back a ways?”

“Back to the old Normandy, at least.” It always surprised Garrus to remember that it was barely more than two years ago. It felt like ancient history now.

“And you two were close back then too, huh?”

Garrus laughed. “Eventually. Took us awhile to get there.” He still cringed a bit to remember what a colossal idiot he'd been back then.

“Hmm.” Kasumi tapped a few keys on her omni-tool, accepting the transfer. “You two stay in touch in between?”

Garrus hesitated. The honest answer was no. He'd never been good at maintaining long distance friendships, even very close ones (a fact his sister griped about constantly). Apparently Tali was similar, so things had simply… drifted apart.

There was more to it than that. He'd gone back to C-Sec with such optimism about taking all the lessons he'd earned from Tali and Shepard and doing real good for once. Then he'd run into the cold hard reality that no one else in C-Sec was very interested in hearing what he had learned. He'd imagined calling Tali and telling her how little he'd managed to change things, and his resolve had failed.

He didn't feel like going into that with Kasumi though. “Nah,” was all the answer he gave.

When Kasumi finally sorted out his issues, he made his way down to engineering.

“For me?” Tali’s gasp was delighted as she fervently began to integrate the optimized algorithm into her drone program. It occurred to Garrus that he didn't know what a quarian smile looked like. He was pretty sure he knew now what one sounded like though.

* * *

 _Why did he have to be so_ nice? Tali watched forlornly as Garrus left engineering. Damn him. She'd been feeling so low these last weeks. And Garrus had seen that, and done this for her.

It wasn't so much the drone mods themselves. It was that he cared enough to try to take her mind off it. He cared about _her_.

He cared about her… as a friend.

Tali had a crush. She'd had enough of them to know that this was a baaaaaad one.

 _You've had crushes before,_ Tali told herself. _It will pass in time_. That's what she'd been telling herself, anyway.

Still… As long as she was fantasizing…  Tali laid back in her bunk, and with a slight hesitation, fired up NerveStim Pro.

It was funny. NerveStim Pro was a masterpiece of an artificial tactile feedback system. With carefully modulated electrical pulses, it could trick her nervous system into thinking she was touching hot piece of metal, a cold sheet of ice, or that she was bathing in cool water, or wrapped in a warm blanket.

The most popular use for this technological marvel was masturbation. People were remarkable like that.

Tali flipped through the list of programs she had installed. She had her favorites, of course, but none of them really interested her tonight. On a whim, Tali flipped to the Exotic Interspecies section in the program menu. She scrolled past an endless list of asari-themed programs (“realistic biotic effects!” they promised) before she found the turian section.

Unfortunately, most of the programs there seemed to be aimed at the hardcore masochist crowd, emphasizing razor sharp teeth and talons and coarse chafing plates. She didn't mind some roughness, but taking it to extremes wasn't her thing. After adding a few search filters, Tali finally found a program that might be a reasonable level of intensity.

It was _Fleet and Flotilla_ themed.

 _Oh Keelah, am I_ really _gong there?_

She paused, then pressed “select.”

_Yes, apparently I am. Ancestors help me._

Tali leaned back, closed her eyes, and with a faint twinge of guilt imagined that the trimmed talons gently caressing her face and breasts belonged to a blue-eyed turian with a cocky grin.


	4. Chapter 4

“You _named_ your combat droid?” Garrus couldn't stop his brow plates from nearly touching his fringe as he dug into his MRE.

Even through the tinted faceplate, Garrus could see Tali's eyes narrow. “Chatika vas Paus was the famed battle- _gralik_ of Admiral Sheska’Xen vas Paus. They fought at the battle of Larraaxi. I think it's quite fitting.”

“You do realize I have no idea what any of those people, places, or things are, right?”

Tali sniffed. “It's an old story, from back when ships were still things that floated on the sea. Look it up sometime.”

Garrus leaned back in his chair and snorted. A plate of mostly eaten dextro rations sat cooling on his plate. “Naming a drone is still ridiculous. My sniper rifle might be a very nice piece of equipment, but I'm not going to _name_ it.”

“Zaeed named his gun.”

“Zaeed is _not_ a model of sane behavior here.”

“Goddamn right about that,” Zaeed growled from across the galley.

Tali smiled, in spite of herself. The good humor of their banter made her unreasonably happy. Even if Garrus never returned her burgeoning crush, she would probably never get tired of just rehashing and arguing about silly, pointless things with him.

Her omni-tool gave the chirruping beep of a priority alert. Tali frowned and opened the message. As she read it, her tube of nutrient paste fell from frozen fingers, splattering all over the table.

“What is it? What's wrong?” Garrus leaned in close.

Tali felt like a pit had opened up in her stomach. “It's from the Migrant Fleet. They're accusing me of treason.” Her voice was barely a whisper.

Garrus stared gapemouthed at her for two full seconds. “ _What?_ ”

Wordlessly, she twisted her wrist to show him the message. He read it. She saw him read it a second time. And a third. Her arm ached from holding the omni-tool up so long by the time he looked up at her. “There's got to be a mistake. Are you sure this was for you? Maybe they got you mixed up with someone else.”

Tali double checked the message, then shook her head. “They used my crew ID serial. And I'm an Admiral’s daughter. They wouldn't get me mixed up with someone else.”

Garrus leaned back in the galley bench, staring unseeingly at the ceiling. “Treason? You? Have they _met_ you?”

Tali felt a smile flash across her face.  Garrus’ unquestioning faith in her warmed her more than she could put to words. But it wasn't enough to stem the rising tide of fear that gripped her. “They're going to exile me.”

His attention snapped back to her. “That's not going to happen. Whatever these charges are, they're bullshit. You'll show them that.”

“Only if I go back to defend myself. But I can't go back. Not until the mission is done. I can't abandon those colonists.” Tali trembled, and felt her eyes start to sting with tears. “It will be too late. They'll try me in absentia, and they'll exile me.” Just like that. Her home, taken from her forever. And she might never know what she'd done to earn that.

“Tali, no.” Garrus gripped her shoulder. Tali found herself leaning into the touch. “Look, let's try talking to Shepard. She'll help if she can.”

“I can't ask her to do that! It would jeopardize the mission!”

“Tali, we're talking about the woman who made time to find Wrex’s junky armor during the Saren hunt. She'll make time for this if she can.”

That was an awfully big if. But Tali wanted to believe him, so, so badly. She nodded. “Alright. I'll ask.”

* * *

Garrus leaned against the door to Shepard's cabin, tapping his talons against his forearms. After what felt like hours, but was probably just a few minutes, the door cycled open and Tali walked out.

He immediately straightens. “So?”

Tali's shoulders sagged. “We're going. As soon as we finish our business on the Citadel, we're heading for the Migrant Fleet.”

Garrus clapped her on the shoulder. “See? Told you she'd help.”

Tali laughed wetly. “Don't know why I thought otherwise.”

* * *

But course, it wasn't that simple. The _Normandy_ was still two days out from the Citadel when Tali had gotten word of the charges against her. Shepard had scheduled three days of maintenance and repair on the station. Traveling to the Fleet’s current location would take another week on top of that. That gave Tali nearly two weeks to think about her impending trial. Two very, very long weeks.

“Tali?”

Tali looked up at Garrus, poking his head into the crew quarters. She had the impression that it wasn't the first time he'd said her name. “Sorry,” she said. “Did you need something?”

Garrus cocked his head. Her heart still did that joyful ache thing it did every time she saw him lately. “Our Citadel shore leave started an hour ago. Are you not coming?”

“Oh. Sure. You go on without me, I need to catch up on some things.” She turned back to her datapads.

“What are you working on, anyways? You've had your nose buried in whatever it is for the last two days.”

“Oh, this?” Tali glanced down at the mess of datapads spread out on the table. “It's a history of past treason cases in the Migrant Fleet.”

“What, like case law?” Garrus leaned against the door and crossed his arms. “I thought you says these trials didn't need that sort of thing.”

“They don't. But I was hoping it might give me some clue about what the Admirals think I did that was treasonous.” Tali chewed her lip. “You don't think Cerberus could have hacked my omni-tool, do you? Maybe the Admirals think I leaked classified info to them?”

Garrus raised a brow plate at her. “Kasumi told me she's been hacking everyone's systems for fun since she stepped foot on this boat. Apparently you and Mordin are the only ones she hasn't cracked yet. If you're in the same league as the former STG agent with scary super spy encryption, then I think you're good.” He picked up one of the other half-dozen datapads scattered on the table and glanced over it with a frown. “Are these... mining surveys?”

“Oh, right. That.” Tali picked up another datapad. “I was thinking of buying a prospecting ship. Shepard's found some promising looking planets, and I think I have enough saved to manage a down payment on something small.”

Garrus stared at her like she'd grown a second head. “...never pegged you as the mining type.”

“It's one of the few things I could do where I'd earn enough to make payments.” She paused. “And in two weeks I might not have a home to go back to any more. I need to start thinking about a backup plan.”

Garrus face did something odd she couldn't quite read. “Shepard won't kick you off the _Normandy_. You know that right?”

Tali shook her head. “This mission won't last forever. If we survive, Shepard will probably turn herself in to the Alliance. You know that. I'll need to have something lined up by then. And... I can't live on a planet.”

Garrus stared at her for a long moment. “Alright, well, I think you've done enough reading for today.” He started gathering up all the datapads and shutting them down.

“But I've got so much more to research!” Tali protested.

“You'll have plenty of time after we leave the Citadel. In the meantime, there's a bar on Zakera 47 that claims to serve ‘authentic Rannoch-style lager.’ We'll start there, you can tell me exactly how full of shit they are, and we'll both get well and truly hammered. Then we'll go find a theater, watch that new Blasto flick, maybe throw some food at the screen. _Then_ we're going to a shitty nightclub where we can drink some more and dance like idiots until we pass out in the bathrooms. Sound good?”

It sounded _amazing_. But then again, Garrus could have proposed fostering rabid varren pups, and Tali would probably go along with it just for the chance to spend more time with him.

Keelah, she had it bad.


	5. Chapter 5

“You know what that vid’s problem was?” Tali waved a finger unsteadily as the two of them made their way to the nearest transit station.

“It only had one?” Garrus stumbled over an exposed pipe.

“Not enough explosions!”

“You're kidding, right? I’m pretty sure that vid averaged one explosion every five minutes.”

“Right! There was so much room to pack more in! People go into this film  _ expecting  _ explosions. If I wanted to see a vid without explosions, I'd go see… see…” Tali snapped her fingers several times. “Oh, what was it called? That vid about the little asari girl with a terminal disease?”

“Pretty sure that's a genre, not a single vid.”

“Whatever. My point is: explosions. Don't skimp.” Tali stumbled and bumped into him. She giggled as she grabbed onto him for support. “I think something's wrong with the station gravity. Everything's all wobbly.” She looked up at him, and Garrus thought he could make out a dopey grin through the tinted face plate.

Spirits, her eyes were so bright. How had he not noticed before?

“Garrus Vakarian! Goddess’ tits, is that you?!”

The pair of them sprang apart. Garrus blinked at the newcomer. It was an asari in a C-Sec uniform. She was tall, nearly as tall as him, with dark indigo skin. He knew he recognized her face, but her name seemed to spin away from him in his head.

She stood, fists planted on each hip, grinning like she didn't believe what she was seeing. “And what the fuck happened to your your face? You look like a varren chew toy.”

Reflexively, Garrus felt the bandage still covering half his mandible. “Hit by a rocket…. Sergeant Valeya? Is that you?”

She clapped him on the shoulder with a grin. “That's  _ Lieutenant _ Valeya to you, asshole.” She pointed at the new rank insignia on her C-Sec uniform. “Just last month.”

“Oh… Congratulations.” It was surreal, seeing his old C-Sec colleague here. Like someone from a dream of a different life.

Valeya glanced at Tali. “Look, I don't mean to interrupt your date, so I'll make this quick. Remember that jerkoff you asked to keep an eye out for? Sidonis?”

That name was like a hot cup of coffee and a cold shower on Garrus’ brain. He straightened, eyes sharp. “Yes. You heard something?”

“Just got a tip this morning that he's been spotted here in the Citadel.”

Garrus blinked, then gripped her shoulder. “Here? When? Where?” 

“Just a few days ago. Zakera 27, factory district. Contact says he was with someone called Fade. Blue Suns asshole who helps people disappear.” She tapped her omni-tool. “Sending you the info. I'll let you get back to things.” She waved at Tali as she left. “Good to see you both again.”

Garrus barely registered the ping on on his tool. He was vaguely aware of waving at Valeya as she left, but he couldn't for the life of him have recalled what she said to him, or what he said to her.

“Sidonis.” Tali's voice was quiet, and a good deal steadier than just five minutes earlier. “He's the one that betrayed your team.”

Garrus nodded numbly.

“What are you going to do when you find him?”

His fists clenched. “I'm going to kill him.”

* * *

Garrus stared at the wall of the battery. In his mind's eye he could still see Sidonis in his scope, Shepard blocking his shot. Sidonis, too pathetic and guilt-ridden to even plead for his life. Sidonis, the man who had slaughtered so many good people with treachery. Sidonis, the man who had destroyed Garrus and everything he'd worked for. Sidonis, walking away unscathed.

The door to the battery chimed. Garrus didn't answer it. 

It chimed again. His hands gripped the consoleand they turned white. “Not in the mood to talk, Shepard.”

“I'm not Shepard.” The voice was tinny, as if it came through a suit speaker. Garrus’ fists unclenched. Wordlessly, he opened the doors. Tali strode in, the door cycling shut behind her. She looked up at him. He could just make out her eyes, but the expression in them was opaque.

“Hey,” was all she said.

“Hey.” For a long moment, the hum of the battery was the only sound.

“How are you holding up?” she asked.

“I'm fine,” he lied.

“You want to talk about it?”

“No.” Pause. “Yes.” He leaned his head into the bulkhead. “I'm fucking pissed.”

“At Sidonis?”

“No. Well, yes, him. But not just at him. I'm pissed at Shepard.”

Tali considered that for a long moment. “Because she stopped you killing him.”

“Yeah. That.”

“You let her do it. I heard you tell Shepard to let him go.”

“Yeah, well. You know Shepard,” he said bitterly. “She could talk a thresher maw into taking up zen meditation if she put her mind to it.”

They lapsed into silence. “So do you regret it?” she asked.

He hesitated. “I regret a lot of things.”

“I meant not killing Sidonis.”

Garrus tried out the thought. “Kind of. I think. There's a part of me that still can't really accept that he deserves to breathe air when Melenis and the others are dead. But… I don't know. Now I keep wondering. Am I the one who gets to make that call? Do I decide that he can't do something worthwhile enough to justify his existence?” Garrus buried his head in his hands. “The galaxy was a lot simpler before you people made me question everything.”

“You people?”

“You. And Shepard.”

“I'm sorry.”

He laughed. “Please don't be. It's probably a good thing. Just… Aggravating.”

“I… Thank you.” The conversation lapsed into silence.

“What would you have done?” Garrus asked, seized by sudden curiosity.

“What do you mean?”

“Say it was you looking through that scope. Say it was your crew he betrayed. Would you take the shot?”

Tali looked down. “I… I don't know. A week ago, I'd have said yes, without hesitation. I hate traitors.”

“But now?”

She sighed. “Now, my people think I may have done something as bad as him. And I'm suddenly very glad the Migrant Fleet banned the death penalty.”

Garrus laughed bitterly. “The universe is too fucking complicated.”

“You've got that right.”

Garrus closed his eyes and listened to the ship’s systems. He wished he could empty his brain and fill it with nothing but that white noise.

“So what now?” Tali asked.

“What did you mean?” 

“You've given up your revenge. Eventually this mission will end. What will you do after?”

Garrus laughed bitterly. “You're assuming there is an after. They're calling it a suicide mission for a reason.”

Tali cocked her head at him. “You really think that?”

“Seems reasonable to assume, yes.”

“Then why did you encourage me to ask for Shepard's help with my treason trial?”

Garrus frowned. “Because those charges are bullshit. And I don't want you to lose your home without a fight.”

“But you think we're all going to die. Why bother fighting the charges if I'm not going to live long enough to go home anyways?”

Garrus opened his mouth to reply, then closed it again. The truth was, as much he believed that this was a suicide mission, Tali had never figured into that calculation. He simply hadn't pictured her dying at all. It didn't compute. Which was ridiculous. Tali was no more likely to survive this than the rest of them. Less, in fact, given her vulnerability to suit punctures.

Ever since Sidonis’ betrayal- really ever since he set foot on Omega- Garrus had known he was a dead man walking. He was going to die gloriously in a hail of bullets, taking as many bad guys with him as he could. When Shepard rescued and recruited him for her suicide mission, it hadn't changed anything significant. Just postponed the expiration date a bit. But Tali… Tali had to live. More than Shepard, or Joker, or Chakwas, or any of the others, she had to survive this. He couldn't have said why he felt so strongly about that.

Tali must have taken his long silence as an answer. “I plan on surviving this,” she said quietly. “Even if I'm exiled, I want to live. I need you to plan on surviving too.”

“It's still a suicide mission.”

“I don't care. I need you to believe you're coming back from this. Please?” Her voice cracked on the last word.

Well. He'd never been able to deny her anything. “Ok. For you, I will.”


	6. Chapter 6

“You want me to come with you?” Garrus blinked his surprise. “To the Migrant Fleet?”

Tali placed her hand on one hip. “Of course.” Her voice grew worried. “That's ok, isn't it? I don't want to presume, but I think I could really use an extra friend besides Shepard.”

“No no, of course I'll come.” Garrus waved away her worry. “I just figured that your people wouldn’t want anyone besides you and Shepard coming aboard.”

Tali paused. “Well, you're right about that. They probably wouldn't like that. But…”

“But screw them?”

Tali laughed. “I was going to say that I've always wanted to show you my home. But your answer works too.”

“Well then, you can count me in.”

* * *

Garrus had heard Tali's stories about growing up on the _Rayya_. But none of them had prepared him for just how insanely _massive_ the liveship really was. If it had been a space station, the _Rayya_ would have been respectably sized. As it was, Garrus suspected that the agricultural sphere alone could have comfortably fit four _Bellisarios_ -class dreadnoughts without touching the walls.

“No wonder the Hierarchy is always grumbling about your liveships,” he commented. “A railgun on one of these could probably slag a moon.”

Tali snorted. “The liveships also have the maneuverability of a drunken elcor. Strapping giant guns on them would just make them the top target on everyone's threat list in a battle. We’d lose our food supply, and then we’d starve.”

Garrus nodded. They watched the docking procedure in companionable silence for a time.

“You want to know something interesting?” Tali said suddenly.

“Hm?”

“In Khelish, our word for ‘crew’ and ‘extended family’ are the same.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Before my Pilgrimage, I thought it was like that for everyone. But then I got out into the galaxy, and I realized it wasn't. Out there, your crew is just the people you ship with. When you get into port, you can't wait to get away from each other. But here… You share your whole life with your crew.” Her hands trembled. “They're the people you count on, who always have your back. The people you can count on to always be there for you, no matter what.” Her voice rose and cracked on the last part.

Impulsively, Garrus covered one hand with his. “You’ve got crew Tali. I'm with you, for whatever that's worth.”

He felt her jump slightly at his touch- nerves probably. Then she relaxed and gripped his hand. “Thank you.”

* * *

 

Tali stepped into the shuttle to the _Alarei_ without really seeing it. She felt dazed, rather like several concussion grenades had gone off next to her head. And in a metaphorical sense, that was exactly what had just happened.

Her ship name- gone.

Her father- probably dead.

Her people- determined to brand her a traitor.

A taloned hand gripped her shoulder as the shuttle took off. “Tali?” Garrus’ voice sounded tinny through his suit speakers. Did her voice sound like that to others? “Tali, are you all right?”

“I shouldn't have brought you with me.” Her voice was so soft even she could barely hear it.

“Come again?”

She looked up at them. “When we get to the _Alarei_ , just drop me off and back away. I'll signal you if… when I need extraction.”

Garrus have her a long look. “Tali, no one has a higher opinion of your abilities than me,” Garrus said, “But I think a ship crawling with hundreds of hostile geth may be a bit much to take on your own.”

Tali laughed a high, brittle laugh. “You think I don't know that? Keelah, we've already lost a dozen marines to that awful ship. Why did I think we could do better with just three?”

“But you think you can do it by yourself?” Garrus demanded.

“They can clear my name posthumously.”

“Tali, no.” He gripped her by the shoulders. “We're your crew Tali. We've got your back, no matter what. And,” he lowered his voice, “and I need you to believe you're coming back from this.”

Tali closed her eyes and nodded, not trusting herself to speak. Keelah, what had she done to deserve his friendship?

* * *

When they got back aboard the Normandy, Tali didn't say anything to anyone. She just set off towards the elevator at a brisk pace. Garrus started to follow her, but hesitated. What the hell was he going to say to her? ‘Hey, sorry your dad's dead, but hey, at least Shepard harangued your people into not branding you a traitor. Wasn't that nice of them?’

Shepard laid a hand on his shoulder. “I'll talk to her. Give it time.”

Garrus nodded, relieved. Shepard always knew what you say in these kinds of situations. She'd do far better than he ever could. So he went to his usual haunts in the battery instead. Maybe he could distract himself with firing calibrations.

He doffed his armor, but didn't bother changing out of the undersuit. Mindlessly he started running through the calibration routines. It was soothing, almost. First you calculate the drive core output matrix. Then simulate different coil alignments for each output. Then try each of those with different power draws. And rinse lather repeat until the guns were as perfect as turian ingenuity could make them.

Garrus was starting to head signs of dinner being served in the mess when his omni-tool informed him he had a recorded message from his sister waited on his omni-tool. “Hey Garrus,” Solana said. Her mandibles drooped slightly with exhaustion. “Just got back from another visit with mom. It's bad. Her swallowing is getting worse. She's choked on food twice this month. And they think they're going to have to start putting her on a ventilator during the day sometimes as well as night.” Solana rubbed her eyes. “Her mind is going too. When I walked in, Mom assumed I was an orderly, and kept insisting she didn't have kids. Then five minutes later she's asking me how things are going with Tennik.” Tennik was an ex-boyfriend of Solana’s that she hadn't spoken to in years. Solana sighed. “Look, I know you've got some weird phobia about vid-chats lately, but could you please record something for her? Before she stops remembering you permanently?” _It's the least you can fucking do_ went unsaid. The message ended.

Garrus hesitated. He opened his omni-tool’s recording function and stared at his face projected back. Even with cloth bandages covering the worst of it, there were still angry blue-gray patches of healing flesh visible where the plates had been blasted off by the rocket. The ‘good’ side of his face was cracked and worn in ways that would probably make Dr Chakwas lecture him about too much stress and inadequate sleep.

Was that the face he wanted his mother to remember in her lucid moments?

He switched the recording function to audio-only. “Hey Sol. Sorry for the audio message. The video recorder on my omni-tool is broken.” He could already hear Solana calling bullshit in his head, but he couldn't make himself care. “Tell mom I love her and miss her.” He hesitated. It seemed so inadequate. But what the hell else was he going to say? He shut the recording off. He'd finish it later, when he'd thought of something. Probably. Maybe.

His omni-tool buzzed again. Instinctively, Garrus moved to hit the ignore button, until he remembered that Solana couldn't possibly be calling him to berate him for chickening out on his recording. He checked the caller ID and blinked. “Daniels? What is it?”

“Garrus… Can you come down to engineering? I think Tali could use a friend right now.”

“Isn't Shepard there?”

“She was, but she left a few hours ago. I think Tali was trying to put on a brave face for her. Can you come talk to her? Please?”

 _Don't ask me to fix these things,_ he wanted to scream. _I don't know how._ Mods for her combat drone probably weren't going to cut it this time.

“I'll be right down,” was what he actually said.

When he found Tali in the engineering deck, she was standing underneath the drive core. Someone who wasn't paying close attention might have thought she was working on the console. They might not have heard her sobs over the thrumming of the drive core.

Gingerly, Garrus reached out and touched her shoulder. She jumped and spun. She watched him, looking almost hunted for a moment. She seemed to be waiting for something.

Garrus tried out different speeches in his head. _Sorry your father was an arrogant douchebag._

_Sorry the people you counted on all your life turned their backs on you._

_Sorry it took Shepard yelling at them to stop them kicking you out._

_Sorry your father is dead._

_Sorry he died a traitor._

Spirits, it was so depressingly inadequate. But she still seemed to be waiting for something from him. So he said nothing, and pulled her into an embrace. Tali gently sobbed into his chest as they sank to the floor.

Maybe he couldn't fix this. Maybe it couldn't _be_ fixed. Maybe all he could do was be there with her as she picked up the pieces, as she had been for him.

For the first time in years, Garrus found his own eyes wet with tears. Tears for Erash, Monteague, and the others. Tears for his mother. Tears for the man he had been before Omega.

He held her and she held him as they purged the grief of many months under the hum of the drive core.


	7. Chapter 7

Tali prodded the replacement forearm segment on her suit. Inside her helmet, her HUD flashed a blue indicator. “I'm seeing a solid seal here. Do you see the same?”

Dr Chakwas scanned Tali's repair work with her omni-tool. It was hard to read the human woman's face, since the body-covering clean suit she wore only had a relatively small see-through segment for eyes. Tali supposed that was how the rest of the galaxy felt dealing with quarians. Chakwas nodded. “Can't find any leaks. I'd say that's a repair well done.”

Tali let out a sigh of relief. “Good.” She slid off the collapsible exam bed and followed Chakwas out of the clean-tent. Her teeth hummed slightly as she passed through the decontamination barrier at the tent’s entrance. Frying every possible microbe and pathogen on the surface of her suit mattered more going into the clean-tent than coming out of it. But the _Rayya’s_ doctors had always said that there was no such thing as too much decontamination.

Garrus poked his head into the medbay. “I heard you were here. Everything alright?”

“All fine, just needed some suit repair.” Tali held up the old, abraded suit segment. “It was getting a little worn after jamming my hands in between conduits so much. And we wanted to test the clean-tent.”

Garrus frowned. “Clean-tent?”

“That thing.” Tali indicated the large canvas pod that Chakwas was carefully folding up. “My people use it for emergency field surgeries and suit repair. The _Normandy_ doesn't have proper clean rooms, so the tent is the next best thing. Dr Chakwas traded the _Rayya’s_ doctors for one while we were there.”

“I'm rather embarrassed I never thought to acquire one on the SR-1,” Chakwas chimed in. “You might not have been laid up so long after Noveria if I hadn't needed to muddle through with laparoscopic tools.”

“But everything's alright now?” Garrus asked.

“Hopefully. Assuming I don't break out in the next hour,” Tali said, walking out of the medbay with him.

“Well, assuming that doesn't happen, we're landing on Ilium in a few hours, and I think I could really use a drink. You in?”

Tali felt herself lighten. It was silly. He only meant as friends. She didn't care. “Oh yes, absolutely! Where did you have in mind?”

* * *

 

A thresher maw? On _foot_?” Eternity’s bartender hoisted an eyebrow. “And you survived?”

“Barely,” Tali laughed. “It melted my shotgun down to slag, and I had to replace almost all my suit's frontal armor plating.”

Garrus chuckled. “I remember. You complained for weeks about that gun.”

“It wasn't _weeks_ , you ass. _One_ week, maybe. And it was a really good gun! It had some really nice mods that Reegar got me as a birthday present. My new one just doesn't aim as well.”

“‘Aim’? Shotguns aren't for aiming, last I checked. 'Vaguely pointing at things in your personal space' might be a better phrase.”

Tali snorted. “Oh right, well, if it doesn't have a 500X scope that can shoot the wings off a flea 3 klicks away, then why bother? Because that's so useful when you've got a thresher maw spitting acid at you from across the dinner table.”

The bartender sighed. What was her name again? Ethyra? Aethyta? “Alright. Fine. You win the bet. Next drink is on the house. What’ll you have?”

Tali eyed the shelf. “Not Taetrus lager again. I'm sick of it.”

Garrus snorted. “Suit yourself. _I_ want a lager.”

“What have you got that's… I don't know, darker?”

“Well, we've some good Cannae Amber you might like.” Aethyta gave her an appraising look. “Of course, if you're feeling homesick, I've got a couple cases of dosa in back.”

Tali sat bolt upright. “Really?!”

“Yup. It's a pain in the ass to get, but I get enough pilgrimage kids passing through to make it worthwhile.”

“Then yes, get me that!” Tali was practically bouncing in her seat.

“Do I want to know what dosa is?” Garrus asked as Aethyta went rummaging in the back.

“It's quarian beer.”

“What, like that fake stuff we had on the Citadel?”

Tali snorted. “Please, no. Dosa is what we actually make and drink on the Migrant Fleet today, not flavored rice wine some con artist is trying to pass off as coming from the homeworld.”

“Here it is!” Aethyta plunked down a crate full of single-use aluminum drinking bulbs.

“Fantastic! Actually, could I just buy this whole crate?” Tali asked.

Garrus raised a browplate while Aethyta shrugged and rang her up. “That's like, twenty-four bulbs in there. You must really like this dosa stuff.”

“Of course! Dosa is the best!” Tali pulled out a bulb and cracked the seal. “I've never been able to get it anywhere outside Migrant Fleet.”

Garrus watched her down half the bulb in one go. “Damn. Now you've got me curious. Mind if I try one?”

Tali seemed about to say something, before changing her mind. “Sure, go ahead.” She slid one bulb down the counter. It took Garrus a second just to figure out how to drink out of the damn thing. Instead of a pop-tab, the bulbs came with a strange valve-and-straw aperture that wasn't terribly compatible with turian mandibles. “Now you know how I feel every time someone hands me a drinking glass,” Tali said with a grin.

“Yes, yes,” Garrus sighed. He eventually found a way to make it work for him, and took a sip. “Huh.”

“Well?”

“I think I like it, but it's definitely the weirdest thing I've ever tasted. I don't know how to describe it. Loamy? What's this even made out of?”

“Algae.” The grin was palpable in Tali’s voice.

Garrus stared down at his drink. “You know, you could have mentioned that before letting me drink this.”

“And ruin the surprise? Of course not!”

He sighed. “Well. I suppose I did already admit to liking it, didn't I?”

“You did,” Tali said smugly.

“Then cheers to you.” They clinked bulbs and drank.

“So.” Garrus leaned back from the bar and stretched. “Should we head back to the ship?”

Tali checked her omni-tool and shook her head. “No. It will be another couple of hours before we need to get back. Maybe more. Shepard says there was a complication with Miranda’s thing.”

“Does she need us?”

“Apparently not. Which is good, because I left my gear in the ship.”

Garrus nodded. He was in civilian clothes too, which was a minor personal victory. Ever since Omega, he tended to feel naked leaving the ship without his armor, even on the Presidium. Coming to Ilium in just his civvies without a panic attack had been no small feat. “So what do we do now?”

Tali stretched. “We could go window shopping. The market here has some borderline illegal hacking splices I've been dying to get my hands on. We could covet those for an hour.”

Garrus grinned. “Sounds excellent. Give me a minute to hit the head and we'll be off.”

Garrus had finished cleaning himself up, and was about to exit the bathroom, when he felt a tap on the shoulder.

“Excuse me? Hi, um, my name’s Ninnivix?” It was another turian, maybe a little younger than himself, and radiating enough nervous energy to power a small drive core.

There was an awkward moment as Garrus waited for him to elaborate. “...Hi, I'm Garrus,” he ventured.

“Nice to meet you,” Ninnivix wrung his hands. “Listen, I was hoping to ask you... Well, I couldn't help notice you and your girlfriend getting along so well. And I was wondering… Do you have any advice?”

Garrus cocked his head. “Advice?” _What girlfriend?_

Ninnivix nodded fervently. “There's this girl I met, she's on her Pilgrimage, she's really, really great, but she just sees me as a friend, and I've been trying to find a way to tell her how I feel, but I have no idea how they do things on the Flotilla, but you seem to have things figured out, and-” he took a deep breath- “And I could really, really use some pointers. Please?”

Garrus stared at Ninnivix for a very long time, trying to understand what the fuck he was asking about. And then like a very slow gear, it clicked into place. “You think… _Tali's_ my girlfriend?”

The other turian looked confused. “I mean… Yeah?”

Garrus shook his head. “No. We're just old friends, that's all.”

Ninnivix blinked at him several times. “Oh.” Then his face shifted into… was that pity? “Oh man, I am _so_ sorry. I didn't realize.”

Garrus blinked. Well that seemed a little excessive. "It's... alri-"

Ninnivix clapped him on the shoulder, not listening. “I hope you have more success with your girl then I've had with mine. Spirits guide you friend, I think you're gonna need it.”

“Wait, what?” But he was already walking away before Garrus could get the question out.

“Who were you talking to?” Tali asked as he got back to the table.

Garrus shook his head. “Just... mistaken identity. That's all.”

Even as they wandered out of the bar, Garrus found himself thinking about what the other turian had said. Did he and Tali really come across like that? Maybe Ninnivix was one of those people who saw romance in any couple with even a smidgen of compatibility. And yet… Garrus had had a few prior romantic and sexual relationships, but he couldn't think of a single one that he had enjoyed spending time with more than Tali. Or one who had seen him through so many life-defining moments.

His brain decided to choose this moment to note that Tali actually had some really attractive hips.

 _Oh. Oh,_ **_fuck_**.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a fair warning that the next chapter may take a bit longer. The next few chapters need heavier rewrites, and holiday obligations are going to keep me busy for the next couple weeks.
> 
> See you all in 2019!


	8. Chapter 8

The ship was too silent. Normally, a silent ship meant malfunctioning air cyclers and imminent death by asphyxiation. But this silence was worse. This was the silence of too few voices, of too few _people_.

“Oh Keelah.” Tali pressed her forehead against the medbay window, eyes squeezed shut. She tried to shut out the mental image of Gabby’s face in a Collector pod; of Ken's face in a corpse pile like those they'd found on the Collector ship; Dr Chakwas’ face on a husk…

She hadn't trusted any of these people when she'd first come aboard. But Ken and Gabby had included her in their weekly Skyllian Five games. Hadley had told her so many stories about his children she felt she knew them. Gardner had made well-intentioned if disastrous attempts at dextro cuisine. Hell, even Chambers’ ham-fisted attempts at therapy had been well-meant. She was terrified she'd never see any of them alive again.

Tali found herself staring at the medbay door. Dr Chakwas had always been kind to her, had stayed up late into many nightshifts reading quarian medical journals and exchanging emails with Migrant Fleet doctors on best practices for treating quarian patients. She'd also been one of just four people Tali knew she could trust immediately on the new _Normandy_. Tali remembered the remains they'd found on the Collector Ship, so thoroughly mutilated that only DNA could identify them as human. She shuddered.

Tali had always meant to tell the doctor what her compassion and professionalism had meant to her. Now she might never get that chance.

Tali turned away from the medbay. She wasn't going to make that mistake with anyone else.

* * *

“So, Tali.” Garrus paced across the empty battery. “You and I have been friends a long time, right? You ever consider being more than that?” He paused. “No, too casual.” He turned around and paced the other way.

“Tali, we could all die horribly tomorrow, and I think I'm in love with you, and...” He grunted. “No, too desperate.” He turned and kept pacing.

“Hey Tali, I hear you're a fan of _Fleet and Flotilla_ , have you ever considered...” Garrus snorted at himself in disgust. “Spirits help me.”

He leaned his back against the wall, annoyed with himself. Garrus had never been the sort who had a hard time telling someone he was interested in them. He'd always laughed at his friends who got tongue-tied and witless around their crushes. Telling someone you liked them was _easy_. Just go up and say it! If they liked you back, great. If not, then maybe commiserate into a few drinks, and then move on with your life. It wasn't the end of the world.

Oh how life liked to fuck with him.

Maybe that was the problem. Garrus’ dating experience up to now was with people who'd been strangers or casual acquaintances when he first asked them out. The cost of screwing up the first overtures of romance was never anything worse than a bruised ego.

Screwing things up with Tali? That might cost him the best friendship he ever had.

Garrus groaned. He needed to get off his ass. There were maybe twelve hours left until they hit the Omega-4 relay, and if he didn't say something now-

The door cycled open, and Tali strode in. “Garrus, there's something I need to tell you.” Her words came out firm and fast, like she was afraid that if she lost momentum she would crash. “You’re one of the best people I've ever met. You gave up everything to fight injustice in one of the darkest pits in the galaxy. You've been my friend in a time and place where I haven't had many of those. You kept me laughing and smiling when I've been at my lowest. Your friendship has meant everything to me, and,” Tali's voice hitched, “and I think I might be in love with you.”

There was absolutely no sound in the battery but the whirring of the air vents. At some point, Garrus remembered to breathe again. Then he started laughing.

Tali groaned and covered her face plate with her hands. “Oh, Keelah, I shouldn't have said that last part. Garrus, I'm sorry, I'll just leave and we can pretend this never happened, and-”

“No, no, Tali, wait.” He grabbed her wrist as she turned to go. “I'm sorry, it's just- look, I've been driving myself crazy for the last half hour, thinking about how hard it is to tell your best friend how you really feel about them.

Tali stared at him. Her luminous eyes blinked uncertainly at him. “Are… Are you saying…?”

“I'm saying you're one of the smartest, most talented engineers I've ever had the privilege to meet. I haven't met many people as willing to sacrifice for the good of others as you.” He reached up and brushed her cheek. “You keep me grounded, you keep me sane, and I think I'm in love with you too, Tali.”

“Oh.” She said weakly. It was her turn to laugh. “Oh Keelah, we are such idiots.” She pulled him into her arms.

“Something we have in common, I guess.” Garrus sighed slightly as he rested his forehead on hers. He'd forgotten how good this part could be. Just the simple joy of holding someone, and being held. Loving someone, knowing they loved you back. He wanted to shout to the stars how he was the luckiest son of a bitch in the universe to be loved by this amazing woman. He also never wanted to tell another soul, hoarding the feeling for just the two of them.

His skin tingled as Tali skimmed her hands around his waist and up his back. “Mmm.” He let his own hands drift up to her waist as he nuzzled her neck. Her hands started fumbling at the clasps on his shirt.

“Hey, hey now,” he said, putting his hands on hers. “Let's talk about this for a sec.”

“Shit. Did I move too fast?”

Garrus shook his head. “I just want to be sure we all agree about what's about to happen in the next few minutes. And make sure no one dies of infection as a result.”

Tali drew in a breath. “We could raid the medbay for antibiotics. But it would be six hours before it would be safe for me to take off the suit.

“We don't have that kind of time.”

“I guess not. Well… I've still got hands.” Tali waggled her fingers at him. “You could tell me where you want them.”

“Seems a little unfair though, if I get off and you don't. How do you do it by yourself?” A sudden thought occurred to him. “ _Can_ you do it by yourself?” How did quarians stay sane without it?

“What? Yes, of course we can. Our suits come equipped with…” Tali stopped. “Oh! I think that's it!” She started frantically tapping at her omni-tool.

“Uh… Tali?” She held up one finger and kept typing. Garrus’ omni-tool pinged. Garrus checked it. “What's NerveStim Pro?”

Tali told him.

He blinked. “Really?”

“Yes. I've just granted your omni-tool access to the basic functionality. And I turned on manual mode.”

“What does that do?”

Tali gently took his hand and and placed it on her breast. “It makes it so that when you touch my suit, it feels like you're touching my skin.”

Experimentally, Garrus dragged one finger down her breast. Tali gasped in a way that went straight to his groin. _Oh, this definitely has possibilities._

* * *

 


	9. Chapter 9

Garrus had seen a lot of unpleasant spaces in his career: the Thorian lair on Feros, the Hot Labs of Noveria, Dr. Saleon's lab ship, the entire planet of Tuchanka. And, of course, Omega.

The Collector Base might top them all, though. The whole sliming, skittering place made him feel like he was being digested by an insect hive. And that was before you got into the hordes of Collector drones swarming at him from all sides.

And that wasn't the worst part.

“ _Shepard, hurry, I'm stuck at another grate!”_ Tali's voice crackled faintly over his comms.

_“Hold tight, I'm almost at the valve!”_

Movement flickered in the corner of his eyes. He couldn't think about comms. “Jack! Barrier support, on our flank!” Garrus shouted, spraying several husks with machine gun fire.

Blue light flared. Cybernetic bodies flew off the platform like tossed rag dolls. Jack shouted some triumphant human obscenity his translator couldn't parse.

“ _Hrrrrah!_ ” Grunt picked up an abomination and hurled it at a knot of Collector drones, where it promptly exploded. “Hah! Excellent!”

Something glowed in the corner of Garrus’ eye.

“ _Shepard, hurry, I'm being cooked alive in here!”_

_“Damn it, I'm pinned! Miranda, Zaeed, can you reach her?!”_

_“Negative Commander!”_

Garrus dove for the ground as a mass of evil black and gold energy flew toward him. His shields cracked and sparked as the blast missed him by centimetres. “Harbinger! Samara, Thane! Take down his barriers!” At least the possessed drone wasn't doing the irritating “assuming control” monologue. Maybe that honor was reserved for Shepard.

It felt like forever, but the Harbinger drone finally crumbled to dust. At the same time- _“Ok, I've cleared the grate, continuing through the ventilation shaft.”_

Garrus unclenched a little. She was alright, for now. Not that he could do a damn thing about it if she wasn't. _Focus on what you_ can _do. You've got your own lookout._

“All right, we've cleared a path, let's keep moving,” he said. “Grunt, you have point. Jack, Mordin, you watch our flanks. Samara, keep an eye on our six, Legion, keep an eye on the ceiling. Don't want drones swooping down on us from above. Let's move.”

* * *

“Fuck!” Tali skidded to a halt. “I've got another grate!”

 _“I see the release!”_  Tali could hear gunfire under Shepard’s voice.

“Hurry!” Tali shifted from foot to foot. Keelah. How many of these damned grates were there? Surely she had to be near the end? And that heat! The sweat was starting to overload her suit's moisture reclaimers. She'd had to shut off her temperature alarms a while back.

And when was the last time Garrus had checked in? A minute ago? Longer? Too long. She fought the urge to comm him demanding an update. That was Shepard's responsibility, not hers. Distracting Garrus with demands for reassurance would help no one.

Her suit flashed a medical warning. Something something heat exhaustion. She shut it off.

_“Got it!”_

The grate slid open and Tali bolted through. Finally. And there was the exit, dead ahead. She sprinted dead outa. Almost… There… Tali tumbled out of the ventilation shaft and into the central chamber. She scrambled to the first door she saw and and started typing furiously. The secondary fire team poured through, Garrus bringing up the rear.

“We need to get the other door open for Shepard,” he gasped. “You hack it, I'll cover you.”

Tali nodded and sprinted for the other door. Several tense seconds later, the door opened and Shepard’s team came through. When the door shut behind them, Tali slumped against the door, exhausted.

“You did good, Tali,” she heard Shepard say somewhere very far off. “Knew I could count on you.” A hand clapped her shoulder briefly, then was gone.

Tali was vaguely aware of Shepard wandering off to check in with the other crew. She got shakily to her feet, and was immediately yanked into a fierce hug.

“Spirits,” Garrus whispered, nuzzling her. “Are you alright?”

Tali clung to him. “Extra crispy, but I'll be alright. You?”

“Still in one piece.”

For a long minute, they held each other. Tali gripped him like her last EVA tether. "I hate not being able to have your back in a fight."

"Usually I can handle you being in danger," Garrus murmured. "But usually I can be there to _do_ something about the danger."

Tali took in a deep breath. "If there's another vent, I'm making Legion take it. I'm not letting you out my sight again until we're free of this hellhole."

"Agreed."


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic's rating has been bumped up a couple notches thanks to this chapter. Hopefully that will make up for me taking so long to get this out.

“Relay cleared.” Joker sounded exhausted over the ship's comm.

Tali slumped into Garrus’ chest. “We're alive,” she whispered. “Oh, Keelah, we're alive.”

Garrus pulled her in so close she could barely breathe. “Let's not do that again.”

“Agreed.” Tali wrapped her arms tight against him. Eventually, the calm thrum of the drive core soothed her heart down to a reasonable pace. Some deep, primal instinct pushed her to start skimming her hands up and down his back. Maybe she needed to prove to herself he was really, truly in one piece. Maybe she needed to prove she was really still alive. Except that something got in her way.

“Has anyone ever told you how annoyingly bulky your armor is?” she asked.

“Yes. On several occasions. But considering that it's stood between me and getting my face blown off again by rockets, I think it's pretty great.” His hands started their own wandering trip down her body.

“True. But…” Tali traced her hands around his waist.

He grinned down at her. “I suppose I could risk another rocket. For you.”

He reached one talon to stroke her neck. Tali flipped on NerveStim Pro and shivered as electric pulses mirrored his ghostly trails down her neck.

It wasn't enough. In the same way she knew she needed air to breathe, Tali suddenly knew she needed this man's skin on hers, his body inside hers, his heartbeat against hers. NerveStim Pro was not going to cut it.

“I want to do this without suits tonight,” she blurted.

Garrus froze. “I… Thought you needed a few hours to prepare for that.”

“Yes.” Tali paused, then inhaled quietly. “But… I had an idea.”

* * *

 

“I have to say, when I imagined our first time with you out of the suit, a medical tent was not what I pictured,” Garrus said as he unfolded the clean tent on the battery floor.

“I know it's not very romantic,” Tali apologized as she set up the support spokes. “Maybe we could spruce it up with some gauze? Or mood lighting?”

“Maybe,” Garrus said doubtfully. “Though if everything goes the way I'm hoping, we'll have better things to focus on than the decor.”

They eventually got the tent set up, and crawled in. The walls of the tent were a sterile white, the lights harsh fluorescents, and the mattress an inflatable pad stolen from storage. Garrus was right. This had to be up there with “elcor tax accountancy” on the list of least romantic places to make love. But if that sterility was going to let her get out of her suit with this man, then she didn't care.

Tali had removed her helmet and one of her arm gloves before she realized Garrus was staring, his own armor only partially unsealed. “What? Is something wrong?”

“No, no! I just… Spirits Tali, this is my first time really seeing your face.”

“Oh.” Self-consciously, Tali touched her cheek. “I guess… You've never seen a quarian out of their suit before, have you?”

“Only in historical photos. Never in person.” He reached out his hand and traced one talon down her cheek.

“Do you… Like what you see?” She shivered.

“Course I do.”

“Really? I don't look too, I don't know, round, or squishy? I mean, I don't really know what turian beauty standards are like, but I must look... strange to you.”

Garrus blinked, jaw slightly slack. Then he laughed. “And here I've been quietly worrying that _I'd_ be far too strange for _you_.”

Tali’s own mouth hung open, mirroring his. “But… How could…” _How could you possibly think I'd find you strange_ was what she wanted to say. And she immediately realized how that would sound.

He seemed to recognize her body language, and twitched his mandibles in a turian smile. “I like _you_. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't curious about what you’d look like, but that's not what this is about for me.”

She closed  her eyes, leaning into his touch. “Huh. I hadn't thought about it that way. I think… That might be how it is for me too.”

“Really? And here I thought you wanted me for my dashing scars,” he teased.

Tali giggled. “Oh, I don't know. I think Zaeed’s might be better than yours. Maybe I should call him up and-”

“Oh no,” Garrus said, pulling her in close. “I am keeping you all to myself tonight.” He nipped possessively at her neck. Tali let out an odd mixture of gasp and moan. “That- that was alright?” He asked sounding worried.

“Are you kidding? That was the hottest thing I ever-” she gulped in a breath. "Do it again.” He obliged, working his way down her neck. His mouth was surprisingly gentle, for all its sharp edges. Each love bite was enough to send fire down her skin, but never actually break it.

“Can I take your suit off for you?” he asked. “I'd really like to do that for you.”

“Be my guest.”

But of course, it wasn't that simple. Garrus wasn't familiar with how her suit seals worked, and showing him how to undo each of them took long enough that they agreed she should just doff the rest herself. Then Garrus had to take off his own armor- a more complicated process than even Tali’s suit. Then they had to hunt down a condom (the clean-tent couldn't solve everything). And then Garrus’ erection was half gone.

“Oh for the love of-” he grumbled. “Of all the times for this to happen.”

“I guess we couldn't really expect things to go smoothly our first time,” she sighed. “Could I try something?” He nodded, and Tali crouched over him, kissing her way down his abdomen, until she reached his cock, half emerged from his pelvic plates. She licked the underside from base to tip, long, slow, and languorous. Garrus let out a strangled groan. Encouraged, she wrapped her mouth around his tip, and sucked.

“Sweet fuck!” Garrus bucked, hard, smacking her in the face with his hips. Tali reeled back, clutching her smarting nose and cheek. “Oh, shit Tali, I'm sorry!” He reached up a hand to touch her cheek. “I didn't hurt you, did I?”

Tali felt at her stinging face. “There's no bleeding that I can feel. I might have a small bruise later, but that's not so bad.”

Garrus’ shoulders sagged. “Thank the spirits. What the hell even was that?”

“What was what?”

“That thing with your mouth.” He shivered. “It was… Intense.”

“Oh.” Tali flushed. “It's called a blowjob. I've read about them, I wanted to try it out. But clearly, it was a bad idea.”

“No, it was an excellent idea, just, maybe... warn me next time?” He shivered again. “I've heard stories about blowjobs, mostly from guys who dated asari. I didn't know quarians could do them.”

“It's not common, for obvious reasons, but it happens.” She hesitated. “Do you want me to try again? Maybe this time with a condom on, so it's less intense?”

“Someday, definitely yes, but right now I'd rather move on to the main event?”

“Alright.” Tali straddled his hips as he slipped on the condom. “Is it alright if I'm on top? I think it will be easier for me that way.”

“You mean I get to lie here like a lazy bum while you do the hard work?” Garrus laughed. “Twist my arm.”

“Ass.” Tali smacked him lightly on the chest. “You'd better do some work, or my legs might fall off.” Slowly, she lowered herself onto him. “Oh. _Oh_.” She wiggled. He wasn't unmanageably big like she'd feared, but Keelah, did he fill her up in the best way.

“Are you alright?”

“Yes, just… give me a minute to get used to you.” She wiggled. Slowly, she started to bounce. “Oh Keelah… You've got _ridges_ …” It took her a couple tries, but eventually she found an angle that hit her exactly right every time. And when she did, she hit that angle for all she was worth.

“Fuck Tali,” Garrus gasped. “You feel amazing.”

“Shut up and help me bounce.” He did, grabbing her around her waist and thrusting up to meet her. As he pounded harder against her g-spot, the pleasure built and built, until she thought she might explode. There were a lot of things NerveStim Pro couldn't replicate, but this was the biggest: The connection, the feeling of his skin on hers, of him actually _inside_ her.

“Love you. So much,” Garrus panted.

Tali broke. Her legs stiffened, her vision went white, as she came apart around him. Distantly, she was aware of Garrus’ own erratic thrusting and cries as he came apart beneath her. Tali blindly groped about before finding his hand and gripping it in hers as the aftershocks rippled through her.

Exhausted, Tali collapsed bonelessly on top of him. “Love you too.” They lay there, a pile of limbs and exhaustion. Then Tali started laughing.

Garrus groaned. “Spirits. It wasn't that bad was it?”

“Are you kidding? I can't believe it went so well! On the first try!”

* * *

“Uuuugggghhhh.” Tali groaned and clutched her abdomen with one hand as she curled up in the medbay. Her other hand gripped Garrus’ hand like a vice.

Mordin tapped his omni-tool and hummed excitedly. “Minor inflammation, infection, abrasions. Symptoms are remarkably light.”

“This doesn't _feel_ ‘light,’” Tali grumbled. Garrus shifted uncomfortably in his seat next to her bed.

Mordin shook his head fervently. “Oh no. Could have been worse. Could have vaginitis, cervical inflammation, internal rash- possibly sepsis if chafing is bad enough. Consequences could fit an entire textbook.”

Spirits. Garrus didn't have the right plumbing for most of those things, and he still wanted to cross his legs in sympathy. He cleared his throat. “Any recommendations for avoiding any of…” he waved his arm awkwardly. “ _That?_ ”

“Recommend Tali'Zorah take immune boosters at least six hours before hand. Recommend you self-sterilize as well. Condoms not bad idea, but not essential if other precautions taken. Will also send videos, instructional diagrams, erogenous zones, ideal positions for both partners. Also recommend installing envirosuit enhancement NerveStim Pro. It comes with-”

“We know,” Garrus and Tali said at the exact same time.

Eventually Mordin left them in peace, but not before leaving them with a gift basket filled with several immune boosters, anti-inflammatories, sterilizing spray, and a very, very large bottle of lube (“use generously”).

“Keelah, that was embarrassing.” Tali flopped back in the medical bed as she waited for Mordin’s drugs to do their work.

Garrus shook his head. “No one should get _that_ excited over pelvic rashes. I'd swear he's planning to write journal articles about us.”

“If he does I'm tearing off his other horn.” She sighed. “I wish Doctor Chakwas was the one doing this. She's not nearly this embarrassing.”

“Give her a break, she's been traumatized by Collectors. We're lucky we have Mordin to cover for her."

“I know. I just wish we could have this conversation with someone a little less…”

“Intense?”

“Exactly.” Tali curled up and groaned again. “Uuuuugggggghhhhhh.”

Garrus winced. “Sorry.”

“Please stop apologizing. I was the one who insisted. I was the one who should have done more research.”

Garrus hesitated. She sounded so offhanded, so casual. But she sounded like those things took effort for her. “Listen… Tali… Don't feel obligated to…” He floundered for an appropriate phrase, “...get out of your suit for me. It's nice, don't get me wrong, but if it's going to make you sick and unhappy, I'd rather stick with NerveStim Pro.”

Tali looked up at him. “You mean that?”

“Absolutely.”

She took a deep, ragged breath. She tapped her omni-tool, then sat up and reached out her arms. “Could you hold me a minute?”

Garrus blinked at the change of topic, but drew her into his arms, holding her tight. He rested his forehead on hers. She made a small, animal noise of contentment. “Right now, my suit is sending little electrical pulses to my brain,” she murmured. “It's doing it's best to convince me that the suit isn't there, that you’re holding my body directly. It's doing a pretty good job, but…”

“But?”

“Before last night. Do you know how long it's been since I've touched anyone outside this suit? Besides medical exams, I mean.”

“A while?”

“Eight years.”

Garrus hissed out a breath. Turians were not a very touchy feely species, galactically speaking, and he was rather uncuddly even by their standards. But that long?

“What was the occasion?”

“I got my adult enviro-suit. My mother helped me put it on in a clean room. She hugged me, told me she was so proud. My nose itched for a week after, but I didn't care.” Tali's voice cracked ever so slightly.

Garrus thought about his own mother, about their last conversation. Back when she still knew who he was. He held her tighter. “So getting out of your suit is important to you.”

“Yes. Even if it takes preparation. Even if we have to save it for special occasions.”

He closed his eyes, took in a deep breath, and let it out. “Shepard's giving us some shore leave on the Citadel soon. Let's rent a hotel room… Figure things out.”

“That sounds perfect. Somewhere with excellent room service. And an enormous hot tub.”

Garrus felt lighter than air. Time. It was the thing he'd always expected to run out of. At Ilos. At Omega. At the Collector Base. But now he had it. Time to love Tali, time to be with her. For the first time in a long time, he was glad to be alive.


	11. Chapter 11

And then, so fast Tali could barely blink, they were out of time.

“The Reapers have reached the Milky Way,” Shepard told them in her private cabin. “Blowing up the Alpha Relay bought us a few months before they can reach the relay network. A few years, if we're lucky. But no more.”

A pit yawned open in Tali's stomach. She'd known this was coming. Ever since the Battle of the Citadel, the Reapers’ return was a certainty she had lived with in the back of her mind. But she'd assumed that they'd have years and years, decades maybe, before that happened. Perhaps not even in her lifetime, if she was so lucky.

She wasn't lucky. None of them were.

“I'm making the announcement to the crew tomorrow,” Shepard continued, “But you two have been in this from the beginning. I wanted you to know first.”

“What's the plan?” Garrus voice was hollow, like someone had clocked him in the back of the head. Optimistic, Tali thought, to assume that anyone could have a plan for something like this.

Shepard smiled a sad brief smile, like she'd had the same thought. “The plan is to do what we can to get people ready. Not a great plan, I know, but it's all I've got." She set her cup of tea down on the coffee table. "That's actually the other reason I called you here. Both of you have contacts at the highest levels of your governments. My last mission for you: go home, and do whatever it takes to prepare them.”

* * *

"Doesn't ask for much, does she?” Tali said as she gently swirled her tea in her drinking bulb. It was several hours later, and Tali still felt like the artificial gravity was slightly off. There were Reapers. In the Milky Way. Right now. Not in the relay network yet, perhaps, but here.

“Yeah, no shit.” Garrus poked idly at his MRE. “Just convince everyone to start believing the threat they've had their heads up their asses about for the last two years.”

“I'm sure the Conclave is totally prepared to listen to the person they just accused of treason last month.”

"And the Hierarchy will absolutely pay attention to the vigilante ex-cop with authority issues."

Tali sighed. “She sure has a lot of faith in our powers of persuasion.”

They’d pointed all this out to Shepard, of course. They'd spent several hours pointing out all the problems with Shepard’s plan. Her rebuttal, as best Tali could understand, boiled down to: do you have a better idea?

“You know what else this means?” Tali asked quietly.

Garrus shot her a look. He knew what was coming. “It means a lot of things. Most of them are awful.”

“We’ll have to split up. You're going back to your people. I'm going back to mine.”

Garrus shook his head. “It doesn't have to be forever.”

“We might not have a choice. Perparing our people for the Reapers? That might take years. And if Shepard is right, the galaxy will go to hell before we're done." 

"We'll find each other. I don't care what it takes, I'm not giving up what we have, not for good."

"Your people are going to need you. You expect me to believe you'll abandon them?”

Garrus scrunched his eyes shut and grimaced, like he was trying to block out a bright light. Tali smiled sadly. She didn't need to hear him answer that question. Garrus liked to talk about what a lousy turian he was, but it was mostly a lie.

“So is this it?” He whispered. “Are you saying you want to end things?”

Tali took a long moment to answer. “Maybe we should.”

He flinched. "Really? Just like that?"

"Keelah, I don't  _want_ to. But... I don't want you to feel tied to someone you're never going to see again." She hung her head. She'd waited so, so  _stupidly_ long to tell this man how she felt. Now that she finally had something wonderful with him, the universe was snatching him away from her.

He gripped her hand. “Tali… What we're trying to do? It's utterly insane. And we'll be doing it alone. When the Hierarchy dismisses me or throws me out on my ear, I'm not going to have Shepard to give her inspirational speeches, or Joker to crack his one liners, or any of that. I… I _want_ to be tied to you.” His voice grew cracked and rough. “It's just too big otherwise.”

Tali sat there, squeezing his hand, trying to swallow the hard knot in her throat. "Okay," she choked out. She leaned her forehead in against his. Slowly their breathing settled down to something normal. "Okay," she, said, more controlled. "So. Long distance then?"

“For as long as the comm buoys hold out.”

Tali tried to find a bright spot. "We've still got a week before we have to leave. What do you say we hit Mordin up for supplies and lock ourselves in the battery?"

Garrus chuckled. "I like the way you think."

* * *

Garrus had probably said a lot of last goodbyes over the last few days. It was strange to think that people who had been so vitally important to his everyday life these past several months could be gone from it so suddenly. He'd listened to his last war story from Zaeed. He'd heard his last snarky comment from Joker. His last insult from Jack. Maybe. Who knew. Sure, he didn't know for certain that they were _last_ goodbyes. But between the impending Reaper threat and the sheer size of the galaxy, it seemed like a likely bet. The strange mess of events that had brought him back to the Normandy a second time would not repeat.

“So,” Tali said. She was leaning on the railing of the Citadel dock.

“So,” Garrus replied, matching her tone. Outside was the transport bound for the Crescent Nebula, and the Migrant Fleet ship waiting to take her home. They had thirty minutes before final boarding. Thirty minutes until he maybe never saw her again.

“I had an idea,” Tali blurted, pulling out her omnitool. “I know I'm a lousy correspondent-”

“Same.”

“-and I'll try to do better, but just in case…” Tali tapped a button. Garrus’ omnitool beeped, announcing a new program ready to install. “I call it the Heartbeat Protocol. Once a day, every day, as long as we're alive, it sends a little ping. No real information. But it's tied to vital signs, so as long as it's still sending, we know we're still alive. And the packet is small, so it can make it through even if the comm buoys get spotty.”

Garrus tapped the install button. It took hardly any time at all to unpack the program, it was so small. Both their omnitools pinged. _Tali'Zorah still alive_ , his read. She showed him hers.  _Garrus Vakarian still alive._

“I know this is probably a silly idea-” she began.

“No no,” he cut in. “This is… exactly what I needed.” He pulled her in close, touching his forehead to hers.

“I'm glad we got the time we did,” Tali whispered. He could see her blinking rapidly through her faceplate.

“Wish we could have more of it.”

“ _Final boarding call for Transport 574 to Illium,_ ” a gentle voice chimed over the PA system.

“Fuck,” Tali muttered. She nuzzled him one last time before pulling away.

“I'll help you carry your bags to the gate.” It was a pointless gesture. She only had one bag, it wasn't very heavy, and the gate was only a dozen meters away. But it gave him a reason to stay near her a little bit longer.

Tali took her bag back and hoisted it over her shoulder. She gripped his hand. “Keelah Se’lai, love.”

“Keelah Se'lai,” Garrus whispered.

Tali turned, and the airlock closed behind her. Tali'Zorah vas Normandy walked out of his life again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we have it. At long last. Whew.
> 
> This isn't the end; I still plan to write a final installment covering ME3. But it might take a while. I need to take a break from writing this for a bit in order to avoid burnout. I have some other oneshot fic ideas I want to play with (Mass Effect related, but not necessarily Talibrations). And as before, I'll want to write a complete first draft of my ME3 fic before I post the first chapter. So it will be a while.
> 
> Until then, my friends!


End file.
